“Jewish. That’s always been the first thing I think of.”
I had asked Cipa about her identity, and her answer came quickly. “That’s what I know the most about myself,” she said, citing her eleven years in a Jewish day school as the basis for her answer. “I learned about who I was, who my ancestors were. It still is such a big part of who I am.”
That was the beginning of my conversation with Cipa Frost, a junior in Ms. Evans' drama studio. By the end of the conversation, however, it was clear that Cipa’s identity spans much farther than her Jewish roots, from family to femininity to Harry Styles -- an identity that has only been further clarified in quarantine.
“We’ve always been close,” said Cipa of her family. The six of them -- Cipa's mother and father, older sister, and younger brother and sister -- came up frequently in our hour-long conversation. “Before the pandemic, we would have family dinner every night, so I always felt like I saw them, but I really feel like I hang out with them for fun now. As much as I do like my alone time, I often find myself knocking on my parents’ door or my siblings’ doors just to hang out with them.”
Cipa emphasizes on the fact that quarantining with her family didn’t necessarily make them closer. Instead, the emotional closeness that has always been there is now complimented by a genuine desire to be physically close, and to spend the surplus of time that quarantine has afforded her with her family.
“I like to think of myself as the life of the party in my house,” Cipa said, laughing a little. “Whenever I’m not home, my parents always joke that the house was so quiet, or nothing was happening.”
Speaking of her parents, Cipa has “a great relationship” with both her parents. She comments on the differences in her relationship with her mom versus her dad, especially when it comes to advice.
“I feel like I have less in common with my mom than I do with my dad, which is why I like to go to her for advice, because she can give me advice from a different perspective than I would give myself. I think I can be kind of stubborn, and so is my dad, so when he gives me advice I know what he’s going to tell me, whereas my mom usually gives me a different form of insight.
“It really depends on what I need advice on, too. For friendships, I almost always go to my mom. Then for more personal things that don’t have to do with other people, I usually go to my older sister.”
Cipa spoke a lot about the journey her relationship with her older sister has been on in the past few years. Her sister is in college, but Cipa feels like they’ve become closer, despite the distance. “It used to feel like I have nothing in common with her and now it feels like I have so much in common with her.”
She can pinpoint a moment when that transformation started, and it remains a pivotal moment in her life. “I was in eighth or ninth grade, and she was either in eleventh or twelfth grade. I had a conversation with my older sister . . . I don’t even remember really what we talked about, but it was the first time that I saw her as a friend, and not my sister. Since that conversation, I’ve felt this connection to her that I didn’t have before.”
It’s a connection that extends to all her siblings now. When I asked Cipa about her relationship with the three of them, the first thing she said was: “I don’t fight with them, and I feel like that’s rare. I never fight with them. Ever.”
Cipa admits her dislike of confrontation and conflict in all aspects of her life, a part of her that coincides with the advice-giver role she plays in her friendships. “I don’t like to make people think that I’m mad at them, especially if I’m not. I also don’t like hurting people’s feelings, I don’t think anyone likes that. And I don’t like arguing with people.”
At the same time, Cipa acknowledges she wasn’t always this way; when I asked her how she’s changed from middle school to high school, she talks about the challenges presented to her in middle school.
“I would always argue with people in middle school, especially when Donald Trump became president,” she said, reflecting on the “white Jewish bubble” that she often felt trapped in while in middle school. “It felt like everyone around me didn’t understand the way the world worked, and I didn’t understand the way the world worked. But I wanted to change that.”
And now, at LaGuardia? Cipa said she feels more herself. “I don’t want to fit in with them anymore, whereas in middle school I wanted to fit in with them.” Not only is she happier, but she feels more certain of who she is -- a development due in no small part to quarantine.
“Being at home, and with myself for so long, I realized no one really cares about anyone other than themselves. If there’s something I do that someone else judges, it probably isn’t about me. It’s probably about an insecurity they have. No one’s paying attention to the small things about myself that I’m paying attention to.”
Cipa also pointed to the power of commonality; most of her insecurities came from feeling alone in her likes or dislikes. Finding and seeking out people with the same insecurities that she had was instrumental in getting over them.
“For so long, I was so worried about the way I saw myself, the way others would see me. And even though I still seek the validation of others, I really feel like I’m comfortable with who I am -- which took me so long to figure out. I was so insecure about so many aspects of myself, and I’m just not anymore,” she said.
Interested in her newfound clarity and affirmation, I asked Cipa what role femininity plays in her identity. Increasingly, it feels like old boundaries of gender, sex, and sexuality are being torn down, especially as a Gen Z-er in New York City. Cipa nodded to that sentiment in her response.
“Femininity has been redefined for me in the past few months. It’s not just about what you wear, or how you choose to present yourself. Sure, I love quote-unquote ‘feminine’ things, but what does that really mean about me as a feminine person, and as a woman? I feel like words like ‘femininity’ and ‘masculinity’ have completely lost their meaning for me.” Still, Cipa said she feels very connected to her femininity, whatever its evolving meaning might be for her.
Evolution and transformation seemed to be the theme of our conversation: the evolution of family dynamics, identity, and concepts, both influenced by the pandemic and not. Some of it are just the ins-and-outs of growing up, that dreaded transformation from child to adult.
As our conversation drew to a close, I asked Cipa to tell me two things: a truth and a lie.
“Something true is that everyone should listen to Taylor Swift’s music,” she said, smiling. “That’s something true.”
And a lie?
“A lie is that procrastination can be fixed. That’s a lie. Procrastination can’t be fixed.”
And seeing as I wrote this article a day out from my deadline, I’d say Cipa is absolutely right.
If you’re interested in being interviewed for our new column, email Anaís at anaismahal@gmail.com to schedule an appointment. Any LaG drama student is welcome!